Why Code Reviews Turn Into Ego Battles

And 3 Steps To Break Free

Perfect code doesn't exist, but that doesn't stop us from pretending it does.

Once, I foolishly spent 30 minutes arguing over a syntax.

Not the algorithm.
Not the security risk.
A syntax.

We had to call our tech lead to settle this problem. Really.

Why does that happen?

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Coding is.. different.

Imagine if other professions worked this way. If lawyers had to show every draft of their briefs. If doctors had to broadcast their thought process during surgery. If accountants had to explain every Excel formula..

They'd probably get defensive too.

The paradox is that this transparency should make us better. And it does, eventually. But first, it makes us defensive, angry, and insecure. We build walls around our ego to protect ourselves from the very feedback that would help us grow.

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Here’s the truth:

Your code isn't you. It's just today's attempt at solving a problem with today's understanding. Tomorrow you'll know more. Tomorrow's solution will be better. That's not failure, that's the job.

But we resist this. We'd rather spend 30 minutes defending a questionable approach than 30 seconds saying "You're right, that's better."

Pride is expensive. It costs us time, energy, and the compound interest of lessons we refuse to learn.

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So how do we break free?

First, pause before you respond.
Not to defend, but to ask: “Is there something here I’m missing?”

Second, get curious.

• Instead of "You should use X pattern," try "Help me understand why you chose Y."

• Instead of "This is wrong," try "What happens if...?"

Third, make a habit of thanking people for their input, even when you disagree. Gratitude disarms ego.

The best engineers I know have one thing in common: They care more about shipping good software than being the person who wrote it.

That's it. That's the whole secret.

The rest of us are still arguing about syntax.

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