How to Give Criticism

2 Principles to Turn Feedback Into Growth

Nobody likes criticism.
Not really.

Even when engineers ask for it, they’re usually not ready for it.

They say:

Hey, let me know what you think.

But what they mean is:

Tell me it’s great. Or at least not terrible.

Because here’s the truth:

When someone spends hours building something,
Any negative word feels like a punch to the gut.

Even a small one.

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That’s why feedback so often fails.
Not because it’s wrong.
But because it hits the ego before it reaches the mind.

So what do most leaders do?

They sugarcoat.
Or they stay silent.
Or they come in too hot, and relationships suffer.

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So what actually works?

You flank them.

You don’t walk through the front door.
You take the side entrance. Quietly. Calmly. Curiously.

Instead of saying:

This part sucks.

You ask:

How did this turn out compared to what you imagined?

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That’s the move.

Turn criticism into curiosity.

Because when you ask thoughtful questions,
You’re not telling engineers what’s wrong.
You’re helping them see it for themselves.

And guess what?

Most of the time, they already know.

They already felt something was off.
They just didn’t want to face it.
Your question gives them permission to say:

Yeah… that part didn’t really land.

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That’s where real growth starts.

You didn’t attack them.
You didn’t embarrass them.
You just held up a mirror and let them look.

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But what if they still don’t see it?

Some engineers avoid the mirror.
They deflect. They justify. They ignore.

That’s when you go one level deeper.

But not as the “expert.”
Not as the “manager.”
As the teammate who wants them to win.

Say:

I’ve noticed a few things that might be getting in your way.
Can I share them with you?

Still gentle. Still human. Still focused on helping.

Because here’s the twist:

People can handle the truth—if they feel you’re on their side.

Want to make this even stronger?

Let feedback go both ways.

Ask for it before you give it.

Say:

Hey, I’m working on improving too—what’s something I could be doing better?

Now you’re not delivering judgment.
You’re building trust.

That small move changes everything.
It makes feedback feel safe, not threatening.

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Final twist:

You might be right.
You might see exactly what’s wrong.
You might know exactly how to fix it.

But if your goal is to prove you're right, you’ll lose.
If your goal is to help them grow, you’ll win.

Giving good criticism isn’t about being right.
It’s about guiding someone to be better, without making them feel smaller.

And if you’re the one receiving criticism?

Here’s your superpower:

• Assume it’s coming from a good place.

• Assume they want you to improve.

• Assume they’re trying to help.

Even if they’re not, that mindset will make you unstoppable.